It's not you, it's me. Sort of. I am done with you. I jumped into this relationship thinking it would be fun and cheeky, but I was wrong. I have learned not jump in during political posts, keep my distance from those stupid games and have tried not to offend anyone with my atheist left wing viewpoints (while the same curtousey has been ignored). I convinced myself I didn't care when people deleted me (strangely a hurtful act of spite). I am not sure when animity became uncool, but between facebook, twitter, instagram and the blogsphere not only can I tell you what several of my acquiantces ate for breakfast, what kind of hair day they are having and there affinity towards The Royal Wedding and thirsty Thursdays, I can also give you there personal religious beliefs (most often extreme) and their (also most often extreme) political dislike of the current administration (both Bush and Obama). This information is useless in my real life. Somehow, Mark Zuckerberg made gossip viral and boring. But I can't just blame the crazies that insist on updating me with their infants bowel movements, I do obsessively check my facebook app (damn you smart phones, that is a whole seperate post), but in recent months I rarely update my status or post pictures. I think part of my phobia towards updates stems from the reality that every time I apply for a job or accept a new friend they know things about me that I would not necessarly tell them in an interview. Mind you, I feel like a I am pretty mild mannered (in the facebook realm, in reality I am kind of a pill) but still I wouldn't show a prosepective employer articles I find interesting or how I think it is stupid that babies are not born with all there teeth (what a pain in the ass 2 years of teething is). Also, my oldest son, Kaeden, is in school now, which ushers in a whole new legion of Facebook requests. And as desperate as I am for mom friends I would prefer to do it the old fashion way. You know, texting. Once I accept a friend request those actual strangers are let into my world. And while I like knowing what college they went to or that they like a good time, it is surreal that they can know my kids birthday themes from 2007, how many drinks I had last Saturday and judge my past hair styles. Then they can arrive at conclusions that I may or may not be wanting to send, without ever having a conversation with me. I am aware that I control what is seen to the outside world, and I have a very sparse facebook account (now), but have have zero control about what is posted about me and even less control over how people perceive me proclaiming "Margarita Mondays" at 10am in December.
In somewhat ironic fashion, I happen to be a very social person, but I think facebook hinders that. I currently have over 500 friends in cyberspace (totally bragging). I would say I have seen 100 in the past year and about 10 in the past month. So why do I need/like having all of these other people somewhat in my life? What is the fascination with seeing people you knew in elementary school on your computer? I also think this takes away from the actual friendships I deeply care about and want to nurture. The time I spend "liking" an acquaitances wedding pictures could be spent on the phone with my best friend. Not to mention the housework and tiny humans that are neglected due to my slight addiction. I truly wish I could be actual friends with 500 people. It would be awesome and fun and you would never run out of conversations to have, but that's not possible. And I know, it is silly that I have a blog in which I am pretty much an open book and I am concerned about privacy and perception. Maybe it is different to me because I control it or maybe it is because no one reads my ramblings. Either way, the blog seems more useful. If I spend hours looking at my blog at the very least I get a couple paragraphs of my life documented, but with Facebook I cannot count the number of wasted hours I have spent "liking" pictures of my friends mom's weekend get away with the "girls" at 2am.
I feel like I am leaving a party early, like something really awesome may happen and I won't be around to see it. More people will get married, divorced, have babies, post obnoxious articles/videos/pictures, and apart of me will miss it (I am a sucker for a cute baby pic and any link to a groupon like site). But how much awesome can really happen when your parents now have a page covered in Glenn Beck clips and animal cruelty videos (I WISH i wish making that up).
I wrote this, in part, because I don't like when people disappear from my friends list. I always assume they deleted me and hate my face and my kids and all of my life decisions (I am super self involved). If I could be one of those people who never logs into Facebook and only is there for the party invites, I would totally stay. But I am obsessive compulsive, and Facebook has become my new black jack (I miss my gambling addiction). I had the same issues with my MySpace account, and luckily got out before that became one giant music ad (which have you seen the log in page for FB, it is starting, watch out). I cannot not check it, I don't know why. And then when I do check I feel like I know what is going on in my friends lives (for about 2 hours) when in actuality that is impossible to gleam from a hundred characters and a few mobile pictures. Also, as with all things, this fad of instant gratification of useless gossip will soon pass. The days of everyone answering a poignant question with, "I'll google it" are numbered. Maybe not tomorrow or next year, but I am willing to put money that my teenage kids will never have a Facebook account and will be lacking political leadership because their parents peers all have you tube videos of them dancing on a bar in Vegas.