Sunday

I have probably lived more than a quarter of my life. Just when I feel like I am starting to figure my world out something happens that changes everything. I have made a list (remember I love lists) of the days/moments that turn my life in a different direction, usually not one that I planned. I put them in chronological order to ease confusion amongst the readers.

-In April 2001 I got my first job. This was so huge in my world. First of all I was one of the only people, aside from one of my best friends, College Barbie, that actually had a job. I went to school in this strange world of middle to upper class kids that were to busy to be employed. And by busy I mean they were going on "missions trips" and had choir practice and three different church services they HAD to go to, so obviously they couldn't pay for their cars or food or clothes, they were serving the Lord. This is a whole separate issue, and truly not relevant to this post. And I will add that 90% of the people that I went to school and church with are genuinely good people with good intentions. Also, at this time in my life I was also attending the occasional mission trip, and I am sure the greater Seattle/Vancouver area is still reeling from my visit, but I am bad at religion and never really got it. Like I said, a whole different post.

Back to the job. I started working at a movie theatre. I met new people that I had not known since I was five, unlike my school where I was literally in K-12 with the same folks (I have had the same best friends since my early childhood, we could be a fun girl movie). These new friends were creative and liked to talk about films and music and art. I had so much energy and was so naive, I literally could not wait to go make my own money and take on new responsibilities. I loved that job and think everyone should clean at least one movie theatre in their lifetime, you will never litter again. I saw every movie, for free, and felt liberated, not enough to ever say a four-letter-word or stop going to church, but it was a start. That job opened my eyes to new types of people and ideas, an truly great experience that I cherish.

Me and holding a very expensive piece of paper.

-In the Fall of 2003 I went away to college. I remember packing my little Toyota Celica so tight it was hard to find the radio, seriously I put a bike INSIDE the car. I only stayed for a semester at that college, but I was hooked. I loved learning. I loved sitting down with a new class schedule and thumbing through it to find the perfect class to fill a time slot. I loved studying until I fell asleep in the library. I loved starting over. Truly school is something that I can manage with ease. It was never too difficult for me, granted I was a Communication major, not exactly rocket science. Teachers loved me and I was an eager student for them to feed ideas to. I soaked it all up. Daily I wish I was on a college campus somewhere heading to a class to discuss the previous nights reading. Graduating was a sad day for me, the end of my eager student era. K-Dog is in summer school at my Alma Mater and everytime I pick him up I wish I was walking from a Rhetorical Theory class and not from the latest mommy play date. I am a nerd at heart.

K-Dogs first Christmas morning.

-My spring break in 2005 was a big one. I met Husband Face and shortly thereafter was prego with K-Dog. It is strange how pregnancy changes you. Aside from the glaring body image issues, I instantly become less selfish. Sharing my body with a fetus is not fun for me. I am not one of those happy cute pregnant women. I was miserable and not a fan of waddling around college campuses. But I did it. I was bound and determined to not mess up this kids life. I realize we are only three years into this parenting gig but, I am fairly confidant in saying that we have avoided giving him major psychological issues. K-Dog makes sure to remind me daily that I am not an old pro, and need to be more patient and not threaten to take away his speaking privileges (True Story: One afternoon I forbid him from talking until his father came home. You would have done the same thing if you had been fielding questions all day about why my car doesn't talk like Lightning McQueen or why we cannot eat lunch while we are in the pool).

Cuddling.

-In January 2009 we brought the twins home from the hospital. They were really not that difficult to deal with when we were at the hospital, partially because K-Dog was with his grandma and partially because ALL I had to do was hold them. No laundry or dishes or dirty floors were glaring at me. Also, I love nurses, enough said. Once Itty Bitty and Big J were at home everything changed. I immediately felt like the Old Woman who lived in the shoe with all so many kids she had no clue what to do.

The space issue was major, well still is. The first three months of their lives they slept in various places in our room. Itty Bitty had colic and major reflux issues so she was in a modified Pack n' Play that was elevated to accommodate her issues. Poor Big J got shoved in our walk in closet in a baby hammock. Mind you, this is not a master suite, it just a room with a tiny bathroom and walk-in closet, not spacious without four people sleeping in it, but we literally had no other options. Since then we have all three of the ankle bitters in the other room. K-Dog is in a twin bed, Big J is in a full size crib (which he briefly shared with Itty Bitty. You always here cute stories about twins cuddling and sleeping together for years, this was not the case for us. Big J often "attacked" Itty Bitty), and Itty Bitty is in the same Pack n' Play. They are still no where near sleeping through the night, it has been a long 6 months.

Aside from the cramped living conditions, the noise and overall stress in the household increased exponentially from each child. I know that I will one day look back and long for the days that I had to run a hair dryer for 45 minutes to get the twins to sleep and had to prepare for hours to do simple activities like going to the pool (less than 50 yards from my front door), but right now in my current state of mind, I often think about escaping with a good book and a strong margarita to a private island with no kids allowed.

Multiple babies changed me much more than just having K-Dog. He was a relatively easy baby and I still had MY life going on. The twins have drained any social tendencies I had left. Even if I had the time to go out, I think I would opt for a good nap.

My lil' sister holding Itty Bitty or Big J (I know I am a bad mother for not having a clue which child it is)

-On July 19, 2009 my little sister was in a really bad car accident. We were basically told to say our goodbyes a few times. I have never been in an ICU or had to deal with any type of tragedy. So I have definitely had finer moments of composure. As of today she is stable, but it has been a rocky couple of weeks. Lil' Sis is still unconscious, has a broken neck, had brain swelling/bleeding, lungs collapsed and is currently in traction with a broken femur. The hospital she is at is the best, but about 40 minutes from my home and the ICU is obviously not kid friendly, but I try to make it there daily. I sit and read Harry Potter (which I have been warned could cause more damage, but I am confidant that they have not read the CHILDRENS' book) to her. I had one bad bad day with lots of crying and questioning and now that is done. It is not productive to cry or be sad. I am hopeful and trying hard to have a positive attitude.

From all bad events/days/circumstances a lesson can be learned. This tragedy has taught me to give lots of hugs and tell people you love them a lot, even if I don't at that moment. And while lots of people draw on faith in times of trouble, I am not one of them. As previously stated in this post, I am bad at religion. I am glad that my family feels comfort from prayer, and it seems to bring them peace. I also love these people a lot and I am grateful for their support and love, especially during this tough time, even though they know (maybe not accept) that I am a a bleeding heart liberal making my own crazy path wandering away from their religion.

Please keep my sister in you thoughts/prayers/good vibes. I will take help from any Deity. Also if you are in the greater San Diego area you can donate blood under group code JS21. If you would like updates about my sister from my persistent father you can check out her Facebook Page.