A facelift

Today I woke up and decided to give some love to my much neglected blog. I know that no one believes me, but I have upwards of 20 "draft" posts just waiting to be edited down (word minimums were never an issue for this ego maniac). Despite having more material than the Bible (yep, that was edited down too folks, God and I are both chatty, so much in common) I couldn't bear put them up on my broken blog, the ugliest blog to have ever been published. It pains me to think of all those surely genius posts about feces and puke just rotting away in a draft folder. And I have only my husband to blame.

When I first started blogging I asked my husband to get it up for me (that's what she said), because when I took my vows I thought I never had to learn anything about computers/internet again. He obliged me. Even when I said, "Why did you make it so ugly?" After very specific instructions and lots of annoying emails about .jpg files, he finally made it not ugly. And then it broke. I don't know where my pretty blog went, but it is gone. Somewhere in the inter web, tangled in all of it's beauty. Since then I have been pestering Matt to fix it. But here is where my blogs prettiness shows up on my husbands non existent scrambled to do list:

1)Sex
2)Sex
3)Food
4)Bailey
5)Computers
6)Those other Kids
7)The woman who folds my socks (that would be me, for all you slow readers)
568) The woman who folds my socks wants me to fix her blog. I don't know what/why. Not going to do it.

So I sat my lazy ass down and figured it out. I still don't like it and HATE my header picture, but I am calling it a work in progress and thanking Shabby Blogs for her amazing designs so my computer illiterate brain can concentrate on world peace (or how to get my jiggly ass in a bathing suit in 2 weeks).

Why the sudden interest in the bliggity-blog you ask? Mainly because if I spend one more minute on Facebook looking at your distant cousins bad wedding pictures I will surely send inappropriate emails commenting on the bridesmaids lip hair. That and my husband canceled cable, because he secretly wants me to go insane. How I am supposed to function without my daily fix of Jon Stewart or watching those crazy bitches on The Real Housewives of (I don't give a crap, just keep acting psycho).

Along with this new blogging phase I have decided to 86 the pet names, simply because it turned my stomach when my actual real life friends refereed to my kids by their made up names. It was cute and endearing, I know. But even I was annoyed by it.

Whoa, big change is happening. Who needs middle eastern revolutions when you have me?

Here is a name key, to make sure your brain never has to function:
Husband Face: Matt
K-Dog: Kaeden
Big J: Jackson
Itty-Bitty: Bailey

I will probably still refer to my friends by pseudonyms. They didn't ask for me to be all crazy and get plastered across the web. Where as the people I birthed (or married) I now control their potential google notoriety (insert evil laugh).

Congratulations, I am back, with a vengance, pages (AMAZING, I feel like a REAL webpage), and a butt load of material.