Top Ten Reasons I Love Husband Face

Us. Showered and shiny (very rare, take it in)


Sorry for the long hiatus. It has been hectic around my very small home. Between visiting my sister in the hospital(who is now home and doing well, fyi), preschool starting back up, work and the beginning of football season (Yes, I am including this in my "Reasons that I am busy rant," I spend an absurd amount of time thinking about/arguing about/watching football), oh and my children and husband and the eating and the bathing stuff, we are busy. Shortly after my last post I regretted writing it. I may seem bitter and and angry (in the post), but I am not. Really that fight lasted until the next morning and then was done. I have learned an important lesson: avoid blogging while angry (even though that is the fastest I have ever written). And sticking with the spirit of openness and honesty, as much as that post makes me cringe and feel like a crazy person, I am going to leave it up. This is me, good, bad and ugly. Enjoy.

In looking for atonement for my poor behavior towards Husband Face, I offer this post. As promised earlier, "The Top Ten Reasons I Love Husband Face."

1. He fixes my broken shit. Over the past several years Husband Face became handy. This was surprising, but awesome. While he will procrastinate and claims he cannot fix certain things (like my silver shiny piggy bank he destroyed in his clumsiness, which I nearly divorced him over) he somehow comes up with a reasonable solution (in the piggy bank situation the solution was copious amounts of glue).

2. Knows how to make me smile. That came out dirty. Clarifying: He entertains me. Whether it be his dry sarcasm or running around the house tackling babies, I am rarely bored when he is around. He is witty and smart with his humor. While I come from a background of loud talking smart asses, he does it (humor) in a much more subtle way, which probably explains why he is generally better liked than me.

3. According to Husband Face, he has superior genes. He claims that he cannot get sick. And while I have seen him sick before, it is rare. Unlike me, who gets sick if someone sneezes within a 50 yard radius of me. I am fragile. I am hoping the children get some of his super human anti-sick genes. This is also beneficial because he always takes care of me when I am sick. It is awesome. If being sick didn't blow so much, I would lick hospital floors to contract the swine flu. Matt lets me sleep all day and brings me toast with 7up and orange juice, while wrangling the grease monkeys. Perfection.


A couple of the children who benefit from the superior genes.

4. Unfortunately, after I get well he leaves, for a good job. I love that he is in a field where he will always have work. And while we can barely afford to support our family, here in America's Finest City (we would be living the good life pretty much anywhere else), he is employed. In a recession. With zero worries about getting fired. It is a major plus.

5. In addition to being employed, he is a genius. Please, don't tell him this. I like to make him think that I am the superior intellect in the relationship, but I am terrified to take any type of IQ test with him. I know he would win, but never want him to know that I think that, does that make sense? Sometimes (when I say "sometimes" I mean "most of the time") when he talks about what he is working on or a problem at work, I nod my head in understanding, but rarely fully comprehend. Lately, I just stopped listening and smile and nod like a goober. This is not an act of rudeness, but rather self-preservation, I NEED to think I am smarter. It is my thing. I am smart and witty, and he is lucky. Really I am hoping that I am the lucky one, I think of him as the next Bill Gates (who Husband Face recently explained to me IN DEPTH is really not that smart, but stole Windows from some other company, blah, blah, blah or was it Steve Jobs, damn it, I think it was, there goes that witty commentary).

6. When he is not being brilliant, he likes (or at least tolerates) snuggling with me. I am a not a needy girl, until I am. It is complex and hurts Husband Faces overly logical brain. I am independent and would rather die than have my husband speak for me in any situation, I am a control freak, I think chivalry is dead and I am happy about it, but I really like cuddling. There are many rules to the affection: not in public (unless I am drunk), he has to smell good, no half hugs (I must be able to bury my head in his chest like a small woodland animal), and I must initiate it. I hate being touched by pretty much anyone else, maybe my dad and children can hug me if I am having a really good or really bad day. But I have never been a hugger. My poor friends probably hate me for not using the acronyms BFF and Bestie often enough and have stopped trying to hug me years ago, but I am not affectionate, and kind of think it is ridiculous and sad (exception: if you are an adolescent, I realize your hormones are doing crazy things. Hugs not drugs, kids). Now that I am stressed out ALL day and have had a headache since 2006, I need snuggle time. And Husband Face always obliges me. He is like a big furry bear or Chewbacca (shout out to his nerd side). He hates snuggling and cannot go to sleep, conversely I cannot go to sleep without being cuddled. On most nights, he waits patiently for me to fall asleep and then gently sneaks over to his side of the bed. Dedication, people.

6. Along (and somewhat coinciding with) the hugging, he calls me pretty. While half the time I am have bodily fluid or condiments on my clothes, he says I look pretty. And when I was 7 months pregnant with twins and yelled at him for complimenting me he didn't take it back until I threatened to go into labor (and then he still said I look cute when I get feisty).

7. Husband Face, as much as he denies it and tries to avoid it, is a good dad. He can't help it. He loves those kids, and while he once yelled at our 2 week old daughter for screaming at 2am for four hours straight "for no foreseeable reason," he still sat there rocking her so I could get an hour of sleep. K-Dog is asks the same question 15 million times and Big J is generally attacking whatever Itty Bitty is playing with causing tears and screams, but every night he still comes home and plays with the mongrels and tries to help me contain the madness.


Nothing sexier than a man who knows his way around a double stroller.

8. Sometimes I am crazy. As previously mentioned, I was not hugged enough as a child (at least that is what I am blaming the crazy on). Somedays, for literally zero reason, I act crazy. I am a control freak and have serious issues. Husband Face makes sure to remind me that I am acting crazy and I need to check myself. Unlike previous boyfriends that tried to reign in the crazy, Husband Face has been the only successful one, the others have gone down in the crazy flames. I admire his persistence, and I am working on the crazy.

9. Along with my craziness, my need for constant compliments and affection (depending on my mood), I cannot cook (I know, I am quite the catch). Also, did I mention that I am the worlds pickiest eater (once again, blaming my childhood full of fast food and toast). If Husband Face is sick of the four meals I can cook well, he cooks for us and it is good. I am going to stop writing about this topic, because it makes me look like a horrible wife and makes Husband Face sound gay (he's not, by the way, case in point the three babies).

10. He is a good person. He is not mean-spirited and is gentle with his sarcasm (unlike some people he may or may not be married to). He is nice and genuine. I feel confident that he will never hurt me intentionally and that gives me peace. Also, "he would be good looking in Boston," (his words, not mine, so Husband Face, try to not fall in love with him).

Top Ten Reasons My Marriage Could Fail

There has never been and never will be anything cuter than my babies holding hands.

While I was watching the season premiere of Jon and Kate Plus 8, (at my dad's house, since we have no cable/DVR/any modern convenience, awesome) Kate was trying to get out of being a horrible wife by saying that the parents of multiples have a higher divorce rate. I have looked around (by "looking" I mean conducting a 2 minute google search) and cannot find any stats on that info, but I will take Kate's word for it. I think Kate was talking about higher order multiples, but I am going to apply it to my life. After further thought about the divorce issue I realized that Husband Face and I are prone to several of the common "marriage risk factors." I decided to make a list of the most likely causes that will do us in, in order to entertain, to reflect and possibly work on our flaws.


Top Ten Reasons My Marriage Could Fail

10. Infants suck. Kids suck. Multiple of these beings does nothing to cultivate a lovey-dovey relationship. Sure they are cute and I love them, but between the whining and grossness shooting from multiple holes, by the time Husband face gets home I am near tears and smell horrible.

9. We were/are young. I think I underestimated how much I wanted to be 20 when I first "settled down", and not a middle aged housewife. I glamorized the world of laundry and bottles and put my friends lives out of my mind in order to stay sane. It would be nice to have had my own life before kiddos came along, and not have to ask permission to have a night out or consult my bank account before I buy a new pair of jeans, but these are my choices. I am 110% sure Husband Face feels the same way, but he lived a rock star life before I came along, while I was the nicest girl in the world, fresh out of a strict private school. I also truly believe that I am the best thing that has ever happened to him. I will forever remind him that I filled out his college application for him, granted he is a genius and it would have been accepted anywhere so it was easy, but he was also high and would have never had the gumption to do it.

8. I am a bitch. If you cannot tell by #9, I have an inflated since of how much I really matter. I know that Husband Face loves me, but really how much abuse can one man take? And I work on it. I think I have gotten considerably better at taming my inner bitch. I rarely yell and try to stick to quieter passive aggressive tactics. However, the worst story in the world includes me becoming bitterly angry because Husband Face did not butter my rolls when they were hot out of the oven. Not my finest moment, in my defense I was hungry and pregnant with two people.

7. Husband Face has his moments. He is super easy going on certain life issues (bills, negative monies in our account, politics) but other things drive him nuts. He cannot tolerate crying babies. Literally there is ALWAYS a crying child in our home, so I feel like he should adapt. He however feels like yelling about the nonsensical nature of their crying is helpful. He also decided that he was "handy" when we bought our condo a year ago and since then has tackled (and completed, I should note) several projects that should have been dealt with by professionals (pipe issues, installing ceiling fans, baseboards, plumbing woes). While several of his "projects" have ended up with desperate calls to highly "skilled" workers, there is a lot of screaming at inanimate objects in the meantime.





6. Big J. He is our most easy going child, and I have very few qualms with his personality. However, his scream is comparable to nails on a chalkboard. It hurts my brain. Also, he only looks left. Which is currently causing me to spend hours getting him to look right and worry about his head being misshaped. Not to mention that physical therapy is an hour away and has a hefty price tag.



5. Itty Bitty. Since the day she left my womb she has been loud. She was sick for the first few months of her life, which broke my heart, but many days and long sleepless nights, she slowly drove me insane. Itty Bitty could cry for hours, she throws up all over her adorable outfits (one of the only reasons I ever wanted a girl), and has to be held constantly (forcing me to neglect her quieter well behaved counter part). Lately she is smiling more and does not seem to be in pain, but she still projectile vomits constantly.



4. K-Dog. The child is the love of my life. I cannot imagine my world without him, but some days I try to, it would be quieter but not as rewarding. He is stubborn, really stubborn, which can be traced directly to me. I have tried every "Super Nanny" tactic and child rearing book to chill him out, but with no success. I plan my world around situations that will not upset him, and everyday I fail. I should not have been a parent so young, and feel like my inadequacies are hindering him.

3. Husband Face and I are both from divorced homes. Husband Face actually had a somewhat "normal" divorce experience. He was young and had visiting days with his father. He was raised by mostly women, which has helped our relationship immensely. My parents divorce took a decade, mostly in my teen years. It was crazy and I often felt like I had to raise my brother and sister. Once I had my license, I pretty much took over as acting parent. I blame most of my issues on my parents, it makes for a good scapegoat.

2. Since my ovaries are hyper active and produced two eggs and we have poor foresight abilities and severely underestimated the high cost of feeding and diapering twins, I had to pick up a night job. This is good for feeding babies, bad for my marriage. As I previously mentioned, Husband Face does not enjoy crying babies and when I am gone he is the sole caretaker. By the time I get home he is cranky, a child is usually still awake and screaming, and I am mad that I can't just chill for 2 minutes. I am considering "playing" the lottery to alleviate our financial woes, hopefully resulting in reduced marital stress.

1. Dishes and laundry. If you have a maid, you have no excuse not to be happily married. I cannot live in a messy house and therefore spend all of my time (that isn't spent on work and child rearing) cleaning and not paying any attention to Husband Face. So if you feel so moved to save a marriage you can donate a maid to my household. Please give my kids the gift of married parents, their future is in your hands.


To all of you who are worried about the state of my relationship, I will post a "Ten Things I love about Marriage" soon. I am truly adore and love Husband Face and could not imagine going through my crazy life without him by my side. Also, Husband Face read this before I published it and would like everyone to know that I am joking when I ask for a maid, or so he thinks...

The Gays in CA

Me and College Barbie at Gay Pride in San Diego. We took the twins and everyone thought we were a super hot lesbian couple, I wish.

Well it had to happen. This blog was bound to get political given my fiery spirit and the current state of the union. Let's keep it simple and only discuss the latest happening in California regarding Prop 8. Amongst other major political news, the CA supreme court ruled to uphold Prop 8, which passed in November 2008, amending the state constitution to say that marriage is between a man and woman. Passing Prop 8 left nearly 18,000 gay marriages in limbo, since the CA supreme court gave the ok to the gays to marry earlier that year. Today's ruling is like a slap in the face, but then they turn around and give you some candy, the justices decided not to force those married before Prop 8 to be divorced, swell. So not forcing 1,000s of people to divorce: good, continuing to uphold inequality: bad.

Let me state this before I continue: I love the gays. I vocally did not support Prop 8. My large prego ass was holding signs on election day for the cause. My car was covered in "NO ON 8" giant letters (Husband Face was convinced it was going to be keyed in our very religious/anti-gay community, thanks to all those who saw it but resisted vandalism). I have had heated battles with just about every family member about this issue, nearly destroying those relationships. It makes me furious and sad to see such disregard and hatred for a whole group of people. That being said, I am sort of glad the judges upheld the voters decisions. Best case scenario would have been for Prop 8 to have been rejected in November. But that didn't happen. I feared that if the judges overturned the voters decision today, the gay community would have been further ostracized by the conservative Christian base. Could you only imagine what Miss CA would have had to say about it? On that note, could the anti-gay folk out there get a better spokesperson, she is NOT helping your cause, just my opinion. I also think that judges are a lot smarter than the masses (especially Californians), and saw what was happening across the country and made a bold move last year. Today's decision is not really surprising, they seldom overturn the people's decision.

Coming from a super religious/conservative family and school of thought, I know all of the anti-gay marriage arguments. Most of them are religious, which what ever happened to separation of church and state? I have been asked would I want my children raised by two men or two women? Frankly, I think that most of the heterosexual parents (including myself) are not qualified to raise and care for a hamster, much less another human being. Anyone that can go through the stringent process of adoption and make it through with a baby, has my ok. I am also asked if I would want my son taught about the "gay lifestyle" in school. My child being taught that in America you marry who you love, is a good thing, not some horror I need to shelter him from. I want my kids to grow up accepting others for who they are, not their sexual preference. I want them to be independent thinkers, who know right from wrong, but can discern the gray areas without judgement. I feel like what I want for my kids is what Christian parents want for their children too, they just have this "sinners" category that you should pray for, but never ever support.

Gay marriage is going to be legalized. It is not a religious issue or a party issue, it is a human rights issue. The gay community is asking to be equal with the heterosexuals and apparently California (of all the states, really) is not ready for that reality. It will happen though. Women eventually voted. Interracial couples eventually wed. The blackies integrated into the whiteies schools. Time is the biggest factor in this issue. Maybe not the next election or the election after, but gay marriage will be legalized. My kids will be taught that EVERY person is equal either by me or their teachers, most likely their teachers though, I am really busy.

I am sad for the coming battles that the gay community will have to fight, but I will not waiver. I will stand at rallies and make phone calls, annoy whoever will listen until they change their mind. It is easy to get heated over this issue and I don't understand why people are scared that the gays marrying somehow cheapens their marriage. Shouldn't they be more concerned with the rampant infidelity and rising divorce rate? That makes marriage look bad, not more people WANTING to be married. And don't get me started on the civil union joke. If it is the same thing as marriage then why isn't it called marriage? I would not settle for a civil union. It is like saying DiGiornos is delivery, sorry that pizza blows and I would pay the cost to get the good stuff. So gay community that is what you are doing now: Paying the cost so you can get the real good stuff. Do not waiver. You are fighting for those who follow. Trust me, it is worth the price, most days.


Miss California, drag style.